My name is Elena De Luca, but you may refer to me as Ms. De Luca. No, You MUST call me Ms. De Luca. It’s my name, learn it, love it, and use it. I will accept nothing less.
I wasn’t always “Ms. De Luca”, but my name and title have evolved with me over the years. My name is important to me. For one, I chose it. Secondly, she has been honed and grown right alongside my skill set. When you speak to me, you will respect that name.
My name is not “Mistress”, “Goddess” or “Princess”. I am a mistress and I am a goddess, this is true. I’m also a human and a female. Would you call me “Human”? No. Call me by my name or don’t speak to me at all.
When you use blanket terms like these you show me you’re looking for a kink vending machine, not a dominant. I’ve said it many times, I only want to play with subs drawn to playing with me. Say my name when we play, show me that you’re submitting to me personally. It’s pretty hot knowing you are here for me, not just your own desires.
On that note, I also require you to spell my name correctly. Its not Elana, Alena, or worse, Alana. It’s Elena. De Luca is more problematic. It’s not DeLuca, there is a space. The space is so often overlooked that I’ve had to my social media bios. I won’t scold you for the mistake, but I will correct you.
I usually put a footnote after all my responses to those who have misspelled my name. I find a simple “*De Luca” gets the point across.
First came Elena, and then De Luca
When I left my interview at my first New York City dungeon, they told me to come on my first day with 3 name options. I can’t remember the other 2 I gave, but both had been recently used there so the phone girl vetoed them. That’s now “Mistress Elena” was born. I may not have mentioned that in my blog about my start.
The title of Mistress, never quite felt right. I am one, so it makes logical sense, It just didn’t feel personal to me. I tested out “Domina Elena” for a bit. That brief period happened to coincide with the creation of my NiteFlirt, that’s why it’s my only platform with a different title.
I was at my 2nd NYC dungeon when I decided to add a last name. I’m of Irish and Italian descent. My legal name is Irish, so I thought my domme name should honor my Italian side. I wish I could say I chose De Luca because of some literary character or historical heroine, but no. I googled the most popular Italian last names and went down the list until something felt right.
This was a super fun game to play with the other mistresses. Yelling out “Elena Sangiacomo” or “Elena Romano” and all of us saying it over and over as we decided what had the best flow. I stand by this being the best method of picking your professional dominatrix name, or any sex worker name. Tribunal.
Community is key to ensuring you don’t pick a name you will regret one day. It also helps to have people who have been in the industry a bit to let you know if a name is already in use by someone famous or too many people in general.
Ms. Elena De Luca is all the title I need
With the expansion of my name, I once again began playing with my title. At the 2nd dungeon, I began to grow and become who I am today. It was a much more free environment and I had the latitude to explore my style as a Femme Domme.
I used “Dominatrix Elena De Luca” for a short while. It felt more true to me than “Mistress”, but still not personal enough. Titles like “Goddess” and “Princess” were tossed out immediately. They embodied archetypes that were too far from the domme I was becoming. I wasn’t ethereal or mythical, and certainly not the bratty type.
It wasn’t too long after becoming Elena De Luca that I realized none of these titles fit because I wanted to be known by my name. I’m not a title or an archetype. I’m me, a unique experience and independent person.
The feminism in me couldn’t allow myself to be called “Miss” or “Lady”. Both were easy choices and would have fit well, but they both had connotations in my head that I couldn’t get past. As a kid, the terms “miss” and “lady” were too often used to remind me to conform to a soft and sweet type of femininity. I am not soft or sweet in my style.
I chose the prefix of “Ms.” because it felt stern. The only people I had known to use Ms. instead of Miss or Mrs. were the strictest teachers of my youth. I wanted to convey that. It’s easy to misinterpret “Ms.” for “Miss”. My name itself has become a test to see who is paying attention.
Ms. Elena De Luca was a perfect fit for me and left room for growth. Early on I knew that eventually I would grow into using “Ms. De Luca”, dropping my first name entirely. Around my 30th birthday, I started to reserve my first name for my friends only.
Now that I’ve reached 40, I’m again considering a title change. I’m starting to lean into the regality of my age and experience. I’m allowing those who serve me to call me “Queen, Ms. De Luca”. The key here is that my name is always included.
Say my name, you're here with me, not just anyone
I’m glad I went on such a journey to find the correct title. Even if the initial journey was only a year and a half; I got to try on and play with several versions of myself and who I could be. Knowing what’s not right made me feel confident in what is right.
I put a lot into choosing my name and title. When you call me by my preferred title, you’re showing respect and honoring who I am. When you call me “Goddess”, “Mistress”, “Miss” or “Queen” you’re saying you don’t care who I am, it’s all about having your needs met.
You aren’t playing with any random mistress, you are playing with me. The NY Dominatrix, Ms. De Luca. Acknowledge that.
